5

 The story of the two key chains pictured on my social media pages goes like this.  My brother had a key chain that I stole from him a long time ago.  Like 25 years ago.  I didn't tell him I stole it from him until many years later.  It broke at some point last year.  It shouldn't have affected me.  It affected me.  It affected me quite a bit.  There aren't many tangible things left of my brother's. This one was a direct tie to him and I.  It was a part of our story.  Quite honestly, the memories are fading a little.  The problem with Josh being gone is, he was my historian.  The stuff he remembered, is the stuff I forgot, and vice versa. Back to the key chains.  I got a package in the mail one day.  A package I wasn't expecting.  It was a key chain that says "Brothers".  My best friend Aaron sent me this key chain. I say best friend, but that doesn't explain it.  Aaron knows where all the bodies are buried. It affected me. There will never be another Joshua Tomblin.  Aaron is doing his best to make up for the brother part of my life that I am missing.  5 years ago I had no idea how much of my identity was wrapped up in being a brother.  I would like Aaron to know in this blog post that I really appreciate the kindness he showed with a simple act of thinking of me when he saw that key chain.  It's something a brother would do.  I don't remember if I said thank you when you sent it.  But I need you to know that I had this moment in mind.  You know the effect of the loss of my brother. You loved him too.  He loved you.  The memory will now forever be forged for as long as i own the key chain you sent me. I was sad when the old one broke.  I told my Mom about it and she said let me take and see if Cole can fix it.  Cole is my cousin's husband and he does great leather work. Look his facebook page up, it's Henderson Boys Creations.  He's really talented.  My Mom came back here a couple months ago and brought the repaired stolen key chain with her.  It's not in it's original form.  But it's ok.  It's repaired.  In so many ways it parallels my relationship with my brother.  So many times it was broken.  But we always came back around to being repaired.  I can't believe how many sentences I've written about a key chain.  

This is the part where I write specifically to Josh.  

I don't cry as often. But I do cry. It comes out of nowhere. A sibling story on a tv show or movie, will always cause it. I don't know if I've still ever grieved you properly.  I think about you every day. Sometimes, Caleb will make a face, and I think, man that's a Josh face.  I've figured out that I'll never replace the relationship with you. But I have decided to be more brotherly to people around me.  I say stuff to them that I never would've said before.  I know you and I know that you would probably be making fun of me a lot for some of it.  I am thinking that people need brothers more than ever.  I also think about how you would've dealt with the politics and world events of the last two years and I kind of wish that you were still here, just so I could see your head explode. I often search the recesses of my brain for memories of you.  I hate that they're memories.  I find some that I regret.  I find some that make me laugh.  I find some that are frustrating.  You were a complex human being.  I've been around a lot of  loss recently. In the past, while you were still alive, I'm not sure how affected by it I would've been. But now, it's made me think about how tough losing you at such an early age has been.  I was telling our small group a while back about how I would wake up in the middle of the night praying for you. And that it happened quite often.  I would pray that God would save you.  I also told them about praying for you to be healed.  A lot.  And it didn't happen.  But the prayers about you being saved were answered.  It's such a weird tension.  I want you to still be here, but I'm glad that you're there.  5 years flew by.  Some days, it feels like it was yesterday. I've gotten really good at making rib tips.  You would lose your mind with how good they are. I miss you Josh. So much.  The other day I was looking at my facebook memories and I saw a comment you made on a post, and I realized that it was the last one you ever made on my page.  Heartrbreaking.  But at the same time it brought a smile because it was picture of  one of the babies and you were commenting on it.  There's a lot of things that go like that when I think about you.  Broken heart, but also a smile. Mom and Dad got a new puppy.  They named him Mickey. I wonder what you would think of that name.  And I laugh.  

The part to Josh is over. 

 If you're reading this. I appreciate it.  My brother's death is the singular most difficult event I've ever been confronted with.  I don't know how I made it other than the grace of God. I eulogized him twice.  Eulogizing a 37 year old is difficult.  When that 37 year old is your only brother it really hits home how precious and fragile life is.  I am always willing to talk.  I am a member of the world's worst fraternity.  Don't pull yourself up by the bootstraps.  It's difficult.  I know.  I'm serious.  I'll talk with you.  I'll listen if that's all you need too.  I've found that sometimes I just need to say it.  Don't feel like you're alone.  I'm here.  Thank you for taking the time to read this. I've found that writing these on these days helps me to remember.  I want to remember.    

Confession Time

 I've been trying to avoid writing this one for a while now.  Too many "coincidences" have made it to where I knew that I can't go on any longer without being obedient.  I've been a Christian for a long time. I've gone to church for literally my entire life.  I know all of the right words to say.  I know how to act when the moment calls for it. I've faked my way through more Christian things than I can even count.  Our small group was meeting for the last time for the spring semester before we all went on spring break. The typical last small group meeting of the semester isn't one that is typically soul bearing or really in depth. So when this one was, it came out of nowhere.  Jason, our leader was asking about time and place in regards to spending time alone with God and praying, and reading His word. When it came time for me to talk, I hemmed and hawed my way through it as best I could.  Justifying bad habits is easy.  I'm a pro.  I'll come  back to this.  

We left a church about three years years ago.  It was seeker sensitive.  It's not necessarily a bad thing.  It is when you've been a Christian your whole life and you're just sitting back and cruising because you think that you've put your time in with all time you've given in the past.  So for the last three years we've been attending a church that isn't afraid to ask you some tough questions.  Why aren't you serving?  Why aren't you attending a small group on a regular basis?  Why aren't you listening to sermons that are expository instead of topical?  When i started answering these questions I began to realize how spiritually malnourished I was.  As big as I am physically, spiritually, I'm anorexic.  I've grown quite a bit in the last few years, but there were still some questions being asked that I wasn't answering.  

So the question about the time and place lingered and nagged and bothered me.  I had no escape.  If the question isn't being asked, I can avoid it.  When confronted with it, The Holy Spirit wouldn't go away.  I did not have a love for the Word of God.  I haven't read it consistently and thoroughly enough to let it do it's work in my life.  Of course I've read passages.  Of course I've read Romans, and Revelation, and The Psalms, and Proverbs.  I've read a lot of it.  Just not consistently.  Not thoroughly.  I started a Bible reading plan for the first time in my life about 49 days ago. I haven't done the plan every day, but the days that I missed, I've made up for it.  For the first time in my life, I've been consistent with the Word of God. Let me tell you something.  It works.  The impatience has been better.  The quickness to anger has been better.  My attitude with the world around me has been better.  The battle against besetting sin has been better.  Not perfect.  Not arrived at the destination.  Better.  

If you're my friend and you're reading this, I know you've thought about some deep things recently.  I know you've been wondering about what the missing thing is.  I know what it is.  It's God's Word.  It's where He's at.  Life is in that book. He put it there for you.  I'm not recruiting for our church.  But if you've been thinking about it.  Come with me.  The difference for me has been monumental.  I was missing so many things.  I was in the dark.  God by His grace and kindness illuminated the dark places in my life and gave me the choice to look at Him differently.  Even if it's not coming with me to my church, find a church that emphasizes the Word of God.  If you're listening to sermons every Sunday that are just some dude's opinion, you're missing it.  I was missing it.  I still miss it sometimes.  I love you.  Thanks for reading this.  

4

If you're reading this right now, I'm writing a blog post to my brother Josh that passed away four years ago (Nov 6).  I've found it to be a great way to help with my grief.  I can't tell you about anyone else's experiences in life.  Losing a brother is easily the hardest thing that's ever happened in my life.  I wouldn't wish it happening to a sworn enemy.  I wanted to give you some context.  If you're reading this, and you've lost someone significant in your life, I'm here.  It's hard.  I fight some days to not get lost in the loss of  Josh.  It shouldn't have happened.  If you want to have a private conversation about specifics, I will.  It won't be awkward on my end, I promise.  

Christa was was watching a movie with the boys a few weeks ago called Greater.  It's about an offensive lineman at the university of Arkansas named Brandon Burlsworth that was a walk on. I'm sure that you would never have watched it.  I came in about halfway through.  I kind of knew the story.  I thought it was good.  It was inspiring to see the work that Brandon put in to (spoiler alert) become an all American offensive lineman.  If you were watching it with me, you would have said, that could be you Jarod.  I'd roll my eyes and tell you to shut up. Christa would get mad at me and tell to not say shut up in front of the boys.  It would be a whole thing.    I digress.  I'm watching it and realize that he has an older brother.  In my head I think, I can handle this.  I'm fine.  Movie keeps going, I cook some ramen noodles. I start eating them.  I keep thinking, no big deal.  I'm fine. I can handle this.  And then I can't handle it.  Dude, I came apart.  

Before this moment in time, I thought I didn't have any more of these moments in me.  Not that I don't still  miss you, or don't think of you.  I just thought that I didn't have any more left.  I. Was. Wrong.  

Dude the longer this goes, the more I realize that you're gone.  I looked your contact info up in my phone the other day.  I was hoping that somehow, some old text was in there.  It wasn't.  And I was sad. With how crazy this year has been, I keep thinking about how you would be.  All the memes that you would've sent  All the crazy stuff that you would've said.  How many times the FBI would have to come out and talk to you.  It would've been great.  I keep thinking I should look your name up and see if you voted in this election.  That would be funny.  I just miss you.  It's not easier.  The tears don't come near as often, but when they do, it's a lot. It's really not lost on me that you died around election time.  It really puts a lot of things in perspective for me every four years. Nothing has impacted me thus far in my life as you not being here anymore.  

I'm not smart enough to know how eternity works.  I would hope that there's some way for you to read this.  I miss you.  More than anything, just the random call for the check in that you would do.  That's the hardest thing still.  The safety corridor check in.  The random meme from out of nowhere to let me know that you were thinking of me.  I'm glad they pop up in my memories.  It's the only reason I still have facebook.  

You wouldn't believe how much less shy I am these days.  There has been a definite shift in how I approach people since you've been gone.  I think losing you, lit something in me.  I still have a hard time not being a brother anymore.  People will tell me after they read this that I will always be brother, and  I will appreciate the sentiment, and respond nicely.  Not having you here, created a massive hole in my life, that I cannot replace.  I do have great, close friends, that substitute nicely,  but they're not you.  

I am still on a search to reconcile the loss of you in my life.  The blog posts help to a certain extent.  I just don't know if I'm going to get there on this side of Heaven.  

44

Here's the very rare blog post that comes on my birthday.  In fact, welcome to the first one.  I turned 44 today.  I'm now the age when I thought my parents were old.  I was wrong.  I mostly wanted to write today because now, more than ever, I have a captive audience.  I'm sorry that all of you have to stay home (for those of you that do).  I'm sorry you had to cancel your plans.  I'm really sorry to those of you that are going to have to miss milestones this year.  My niece, Megan, is supposed to graduate from high school this year.  Megan is not actually my niece, but she practically is.  I taught her how to turn on the lights in the house.  I hate that she has to miss a special day.  Those of you that just found out that school was cancelled, I'm sorry. I hate that we're going to have to stay home for Easter.  Easter is one of my favorites.  We normally have everyone over for dinner.  I smoke several large pieces of meat. But mostly, I'm going to miss having everyone around.  I'm going to miss not being able to go to the church building and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus with my church family.  I miss being able to go the grocery store and get everything that is on the list without having to change things up on the fly because of availability of some items.  I hate that my boys can't casually go and see their grandparents on a whim.  Today is my Mother in Law's birthday as well.  I hate that we aren't going to be able to celebrate our birthdays together anytime soon.

I'm done telling you about what I'm sad about or hating or disappointed with right now.  The list is longer than what I just wrote.  Of all the lessons I've learned in my 44 years, there really aren't a whole lot of things that truly matter besides relationships.  The most important being the relationship with our Creator.  Doubt would be easy right now.  Questioning is easy right now.  That's not how I'm approaching any of this. I choose faith today.  I choose faith in a Sovereign that isn't caught off guard by any of this.  I'm looking at this as a reset button that's been hit, and we get to try again.  Taking for granted things that we view as always being there, and all of a sudden, they aren't has been eye opening.  The idea of walking up to someone and giving them a handshake or a hug right now seems like a foreign concept.  I think God has used this time in history to speak to the hearts of people that have been searching for answers for a long time and not finding them. The other day, I let fear set in for a few minutes.  I felt my heart rate increase.  I got a little clammy and shaky for a minute because I wasn’t looking at this through the proper lens.  I had to repent later on.  Letting fear win, for me, is a sin worthy of repenting for.  The moment I repented for it, I felt a peace that had been missing in the previous few days.  Fear will never win the day again for me.  It's a dark place to be.  This is the time when the rubber meets the road.  Do I have faith, or am I a fraud?  I have faith that God is above all of it.  I know that he has given men and women that are much smarter than I am, the ability to study this thing and either find a treatment or a vaccine that will work.  I live with hope. 


The other relationships, the ones with you, whoever is reading this are important to me as well.  At some point in time, you have made some type of impact on me.  If you're my family, you know that we've walked through some dark days together. We're here right now. It didn't kill us.  If you're my close friends, we've been through some stuff.  Both of my best friends and I have all lost brothers.  It sucked, but we know where they're at, and they're all three better off than us right now.  And friends that I've come across along the way, we've cried tears, raised glasses, laughed, and prayed together a lot over the years, here's to many more of those when we can get back together again.  Mostly, I just want all of you to know that I miss you.  I'm praying for you. 


One last note to any of you that are currently or have been my pastors previously, I want you guys to know that I know the burden you're carrying for your flocks right now. Or if you're one of my friends that are in ministry. Thank you for doing what you do.  This season is a particular challenge for you that hasn't happened in recent history.  I know you're working harder.  I know you're frustrated having to preach to a camera, or laptop, or iPhone right now.  I know it's tough singing to someone that you can't see or hear.  The reunion is going to be sweet.  Hang in there.  If I can be of service to you in any way, reach out. 

Pickups.

A little while back, I was talking to Buzz.  He was telling me that when he spent some time in Southeastern New Mexico, he was surprised at how many people that drove pick up trucks.  I hadn't ever really thought about it that much, but he's right.  Per capita, there are more pick ups in that area than any other area of the country (I can't prove this, so I won't).  I was then reminded of the time in my when I thought that I would attempt to write a book.  I didn't make it that far.  At that point in my life, I hadn't lived much life.  While mulling over ideas for chapters, I had an idea for one.  I was going to call it, "Everything that I ever learned, I learned by having a conversation around the bed of a pick up truck". 
As far back as I can remember, the Tomblin's had a lot of pick up trucks.  My family had a water well drilling business.  My Grandpa was a welder.  We owned cattle.  Thus requiring the ownership of pick ups. Inevitably, we'd all start the day around the bed, getting the plan together for the day.  We'd get the tools out, or the equipment.  Or the ice chest.  I remember my Grandma would send us out with sandwiches, wrapped in wax paper.  I would ride in the back of the pick up when we were driving around.  This was before we had this hang up about child safety.  I remember doing the hand dolphin, or opening my mouth and seeing how big my cheeks would get when they filled with air. But I always remember any number of pick ups always being around. We'd always be working on one.  New starters.  New alternators.  Clutch would go out.  I know.  A clutch is a very novel idea in 2020. At the end of the day, we would inevitably gather around the bed and dissect the day. The things that went well, and the things that went not so well.  There would be laughing.  There would be arguments.  Grandpa or Dad or both, would give instructions about the things that needed to be done to leave for the day.  And there would be reminders of what we needed to get for the next day. 
For the most part I was useless when I was younger.  I just went to along because it was the thing we did.  In the summertime, I went to the rig.  Or the wench truck to pull water pumps.  Most of the things that were talked about around the bed when I was younger was a foreign language to me.  As I've gotten older, I realize that this was where these relationships were forged.  My Grandpa passed away when I was 13.  I could've used a few more years with him around the bed of a pickup truck.  43 year old me has a few questions for the man that I knew had been through so much tragedy.  I loved my Grandpa.  He didn't talk a lot.  I think its where I get it from.  I know that he had a ton of wisdom to pass along that would've benefited me today.  I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of all of this, but my Dad's parents dealt with more loss than just about anyone else I know of.  Shoot, now that I think about it, both of my parent's parent's have dealt with more loss than just about anyone I know of.  I would pay a lot of money to have one more chat with Jim Tomblin about life, and death.  He would love my boys.  He would love my wife.  I miss him quite a bit. 
Around the bed of the truck is where we would get our fishing poles ready.  Hooks tied.  Extras put on our hats in case something happened in the water and we wouldn't have to go back if the white bass were hungry and we lost tackle.  Aaron and I would laugh at whatever dumb thing the other said. Aaron isn't scare by any creature on the planet. He's super weird in that way.  He loves snakes and stuff. I, on the other hand, do not.  So when I see Aaron leap from flat feet into the back of my faded green oil field truck that we bought used from the company my Dad worked for, it meant that I needed to do the same thing without question. We both looked over the side to see two javelina hanging out.  Aaron said the one came up and sniffed his ankle and freaked him out.  I sent Aaron out of the truck first to see if they'd eat him.  They didn't.  They were friendly.  We fed them some black jelly beans that I had in my truck from easter and we named them Beavis and Butthead. I'd pay a lot of money to go back and have one more time around the bed of my pick up with my best friend, getting ready to go fishing. 
I have too many stories around a pickup bed that mean something to me to tell you in a blog post. My brother was there a lot.  My family was there a lot.  My best friends were there a lot.  Girls I had crushes on were there a lot.  People I didn't like were there too.  I spent a lot of time alone around the bed of a pick up truck.  I would go out to secluded places and pray.  Pray for my best friend.  Pray for my brother.  Pray about the girls I had crushes on.  I will tell you this right now.  Even years later, prayers that I prayed 20 and 30 years ago are still being answered now.  Some yes, some no. But answered nonetheless.  There's a book here now.  I don't know if it will ever be written, but if you've ever been with me around the bed of my pickup, I want you to know that I miss being with you there.  I'm praying for good things for you.  I now realize that I want a pick up truck again.  Maybe my next vehicle purchase will be a pick up. 

3

You would've turned 40 September 25.  The round numbers seem harder for some reason.  I think we all search for significance in some ways.  Round numbers seem to be an easy thing to hang a hat on. I saw a funny meme the other day.  Apparently, Kanye got saved.  I know.  It was a meme of Bill Gaither doing a Homecoming concert with Kanye.  I'd almost go watch it.  Almost. I know that you would have sent it to me with the cry laugh emoji.

 Every now and then it still pops up when I'm not expecting it.  I think about you every day.  I was watching a documentary called Country Music on PBS a few weeks back, actually some time around your birthday.  And Vince Gill started talking about writing Go Rest Hight on That Mountain for Keith Whitley when he died.  He said that he couldn't get through the first verse of writing it because it tore him up.  Then his brother died.  I couldn't get through the story.  The assurance that I have that you are in Heaven right now is really the only thing that has kept me from falling apart. My knowledge of God's grace and faithfulness has sustained on many days when I wanted to retreat into the deep recesses of my mind. The questions that are unanswered are still asked.  They're still hard to think about.  The complexity of all of this is very difficult to navigate sometimes.

The people that are reading this might find this next little stanza of text to be difficult to understand.   I think you would get a little bit of a kick out of the number of awkward conversations I've had to have over the last three years about you not being here anymore.  I know one of the greatest joys in your life was to put me in positions that made me squirm a little bit.  One doesn't ever think about how many times the question "do you have any brothers or sisters", pops up in a getting to know somebody conversation.  It's literally just behind what do you for work.  Nearly every time I've been asked if I have a brother or sister, and I have to say, "he passed away three years ago", it ends the conversation.  It's a dark thought, but I know that if you're listening in, you've laughed at me.

I think the thing that I'm having a really hard time with is not being a brother anymore.  This has just popped up within the last year or so.  It hits hard Josh.  Just after you left us, I was mostly concerned with holding it together for Dad and Mom, and really didn't consider a lot of how I would be affected.  The not being a brother anymore is a real shocker.  My desire to have a brother and be a brother has definitely changed how introverted I used to be compared to how I am now.  I've had more deep and meaningful conversations with my friends than I ever did before.  I know that we were closer at the end, than at the beginning, and I am truly regretful for that.  I often wonder if I would've been closer, earlier, if it would have made a difference? And I can't help but think that it would have.  I can't change our thing.  But I can change future relationships.  I can be a better brother to someone else.

I sent Mom a text earlier today.  It was a simple question.  3 years tomorrow?  Her answer.  Yes.  I debated if I should send it because I knew the answer.  I wanted her to know that I was thinking about you.  Missing you isn't the right term.  Sometimes I feel paralyzed.  Your death still hurts.  I'm sitting her typing this thinking about all of it.  And how much I hate that you're gone. Tears are flowing.

My hope in the eternal is what keeps me going.  I can't wait until we all see you again.  I think about God's goodness in the midst of it all.  It's hard to see sometimes.  There's a song called The Goodness of God that rips me apart every time we sing it.  The second verse says, I love your voice. You have led me through the fire.  In darkest night, You are close like no other.  Those are anchor lyrics for me right now.  There have been a lot of dark nights.  But God has been close.  Someone reading this post needs to know that I know that you are severely struggling with finding the goodness of God right now.  I want you to know, that it's there.  I promise.  I found it.  Even in the worst times, I've found it.  Leave a comment or send me a message somewhere and I'll pray that if you're struggling to find it, that you will.

My Favorite person

I knew that she was the one probably before the first date.  We had talked for a few months before I could ever work up the nerve to ask her on a date because i was scared that if she met me in person, I would screw it up.  I knew after the second date when I took her to BJ's Brewery and the worst movie either of us had ever seen and she wanted to go on a third date that we had something here.  It was a blur after that.   A late night post Jimmy Buffett concert call from her to me and we were off to the races.  She asked if i was awake at like 2 a.m. and I said yes (I had been asleep for at least a couple hours).  The things that I want you to know about her are many and various.  The first thing that I loved about her is, she didn't need me.  She was independent, she already had a great career, she had a full and healthy social life.  She loved her parents and in particular, she had a good relationship with her Dad.  (single dudes looking for a wife, I cannot tell you the importance of the knowledge of her relationship with her Dad.  If it's unhealthy, you'll be fighting an uphill battle for the rest of your life).
She was a Christian that served and went on missions.  She loved college football.  As I began to check the list off, I realized she checked boxes that I didn't ever think about having written down.  She was nice. She appreciated that I was nice. You would be surprised at how that can work against you when you're dating someone sometimes, but that's a conversation for another blog post.  She took me to Austin for my first Longhorns game in person.  She took me to the national championship game later that same year.  If there is a more well rounded person than her, I don't know them.  She liked going to concerts.  She loves being around people.  Let me touch on this one a little bit. I do not like being around people,  You will find me trying to figure out a way to get out of certain gatherings if there is any way possible to do so.  I think one of her favorite things to do is to put me in uncomfortable situations to see how i react.  I strive to not make her life more difficult, so most of the time, I fake it til i make it.
We dated for 10 months.  I didn't meet her family during this time.  I thought it was weird.  I didn't say anything because I assumed that something had gone on in a previous relationship where the ex boyfriend was close to the family.  To this day, I don't know the names of any of her exes with the exception of one.  I didn't care. I still don't.  Less history, more mystery is my policy.  I remember telling her that I think I'm in love with her.  I literally said I think. I guess I was offering myself some sort of out in case she wasn't.  Luckily she said she loved me too.  Not too long after this conversation, I asked her if I had to ask her parents if I could marry her.  She said yes.  I asked her, don't you think you should introduce me to them first? She said that would probably be a good idea and I finally got to meet the Wood's.  She brought me to a park for a birthday party without announcing who or what i was.  (this was super awkward, but reference the above sentence where i think she loves putting me in positions that make me totally uncomfortable). Everyone was nice.  Then next event was a birthday celebration at Greasewood Flats.  I specifically remember this night because her Mom sidled right up to me at the table and said, who are you, and are you dating my daughter?  I said I'm Jarod and yes.  Not too long after this conversation, I asked her parents to have lunch with me at Ajo Al's, and asked them if I could marry their daughter. They both gave me their blessing.  Her Dad asked me if i knew how strong willed she was.  I had an idea.  I now have a better idea.  Spoiler alert: She's still pretty strong willed.
We got married.  I remember having a conversation about kids prior to us getting married.  I asked when she wanted to have kids.  She said right away.  I said ok, me too.  We went on our honeymoon at the end of october 2010. Our first son was born on July 17, 2011.  The math checks out.  I've said all of this stuff that I love about her to say this about her.  I love the way that she is a Mom to my two boys.  She cares about every aspect of their life.  Our second son was born on March 24, 2013 by the way.  We went back to back.  Caleb was in a big boy bed before he was two.  I digress.  From the moment these two little guys were born, something happened to her.  Everything else became much smaller.  These two became very big to her.  It seems that every decision we make, involves these two boys.  She prays with them.  She does homework with them.  She teaches them how to be gentlemen.  She tickles them.  She plays hide and seek with them.  She cries when they cry.  She worries if they're friendly enough. She wants them to be loved.  Both of them have so many of her characteristics.  Caleb has her tenacity. Luke has her gentile caring personality.  The way she mothers our boys is what I love most about her.  They will be good men because she is a good Mom to them.  They will never have to worry about their Mom caring for them.  She always will.  When she is out of town and I am in charge, I feel like we're just surviving.  When she is here, we thrive.
By writing this post, I run the risk of not having anything good to write in her card, but it's ok.  I wanted to tell you a little bit about her because she means so much to me.  She has been a rock during a very difficult period of my life.  She's pretty much the only one that sees me cry.  I love her.  She is the best Mom, and I'm glad that God put us together.  I truly can't imagine it any other way.  Her name is Christa by the way.