Confession Time

 I've been trying to avoid writing this one for a while now.  Too many "coincidences" have made it to where I knew that I can't go on any longer without being obedient.  I've been a Christian for a long time. I've gone to church for literally my entire life.  I know all of the right words to say.  I know how to act when the moment calls for it. I've faked my way through more Christian things than I can even count.  Our small group was meeting for the last time for the spring semester before we all went on spring break. The typical last small group meeting of the semester isn't one that is typically soul bearing or really in depth. So when this one was, it came out of nowhere.  Jason, our leader was asking about time and place in regards to spending time alone with God and praying, and reading His word. When it came time for me to talk, I hemmed and hawed my way through it as best I could.  Justifying bad habits is easy.  I'm a pro.  I'll come  back to this.  

We left a church about three years years ago.  It was seeker sensitive.  It's not necessarily a bad thing.  It is when you've been a Christian your whole life and you're just sitting back and cruising because you think that you've put your time in with all time you've given in the past.  So for the last three years we've been attending a church that isn't afraid to ask you some tough questions.  Why aren't you serving?  Why aren't you attending a small group on a regular basis?  Why aren't you listening to sermons that are expository instead of topical?  When i started answering these questions I began to realize how spiritually malnourished I was.  As big as I am physically, spiritually, I'm anorexic.  I've grown quite a bit in the last few years, but there were still some questions being asked that I wasn't answering.  

So the question about the time and place lingered and nagged and bothered me.  I had no escape.  If the question isn't being asked, I can avoid it.  When confronted with it, The Holy Spirit wouldn't go away.  I did not have a love for the Word of God.  I haven't read it consistently and thoroughly enough to let it do it's work in my life.  Of course I've read passages.  Of course I've read Romans, and Revelation, and The Psalms, and Proverbs.  I've read a lot of it.  Just not consistently.  Not thoroughly.  I started a Bible reading plan for the first time in my life about 49 days ago. I haven't done the plan every day, but the days that I missed, I've made up for it.  For the first time in my life, I've been consistent with the Word of God. Let me tell you something.  It works.  The impatience has been better.  The quickness to anger has been better.  My attitude with the world around me has been better.  The battle against besetting sin has been better.  Not perfect.  Not arrived at the destination.  Better.  

If you're my friend and you're reading this, I know you've thought about some deep things recently.  I know you've been wondering about what the missing thing is.  I know what it is.  It's God's Word.  It's where He's at.  Life is in that book. He put it there for you.  I'm not recruiting for our church.  But if you've been thinking about it.  Come with me.  The difference for me has been monumental.  I was missing so many things.  I was in the dark.  God by His grace and kindness illuminated the dark places in my life and gave me the choice to look at Him differently.  Even if it's not coming with me to my church, find a church that emphasizes the Word of God.  If you're listening to sermons every Sunday that are just some dude's opinion, you're missing it.  I was missing it.  I still miss it sometimes.  I love you.  Thanks for reading this.