44

Here's the very rare blog post that comes on my birthday.  In fact, welcome to the first one.  I turned 44 today.  I'm now the age when I thought my parents were old.  I was wrong.  I mostly wanted to write today because now, more than ever, I have a captive audience.  I'm sorry that all of you have to stay home (for those of you that do).  I'm sorry you had to cancel your plans.  I'm really sorry to those of you that are going to have to miss milestones this year.  My niece, Megan, is supposed to graduate from high school this year.  Megan is not actually my niece, but she practically is.  I taught her how to turn on the lights in the house.  I hate that she has to miss a special day.  Those of you that just found out that school was cancelled, I'm sorry. I hate that we're going to have to stay home for Easter.  Easter is one of my favorites.  We normally have everyone over for dinner.  I smoke several large pieces of meat. But mostly, I'm going to miss having everyone around.  I'm going to miss not being able to go to the church building and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus with my church family.  I miss being able to go the grocery store and get everything that is on the list without having to change things up on the fly because of availability of some items.  I hate that my boys can't casually go and see their grandparents on a whim.  Today is my Mother in Law's birthday as well.  I hate that we aren't going to be able to celebrate our birthdays together anytime soon.

I'm done telling you about what I'm sad about or hating or disappointed with right now.  The list is longer than what I just wrote.  Of all the lessons I've learned in my 44 years, there really aren't a whole lot of things that truly matter besides relationships.  The most important being the relationship with our Creator.  Doubt would be easy right now.  Questioning is easy right now.  That's not how I'm approaching any of this. I choose faith today.  I choose faith in a Sovereign that isn't caught off guard by any of this.  I'm looking at this as a reset button that's been hit, and we get to try again.  Taking for granted things that we view as always being there, and all of a sudden, they aren't has been eye opening.  The idea of walking up to someone and giving them a handshake or a hug right now seems like a foreign concept.  I think God has used this time in history to speak to the hearts of people that have been searching for answers for a long time and not finding them. The other day, I let fear set in for a few minutes.  I felt my heart rate increase.  I got a little clammy and shaky for a minute because I wasn’t looking at this through the proper lens.  I had to repent later on.  Letting fear win, for me, is a sin worthy of repenting for.  The moment I repented for it, I felt a peace that had been missing in the previous few days.  Fear will never win the day again for me.  It's a dark place to be.  This is the time when the rubber meets the road.  Do I have faith, or am I a fraud?  I have faith that God is above all of it.  I know that he has given men and women that are much smarter than I am, the ability to study this thing and either find a treatment or a vaccine that will work.  I live with hope. 


The other relationships, the ones with you, whoever is reading this are important to me as well.  At some point in time, you have made some type of impact on me.  If you're my family, you know that we've walked through some dark days together. We're here right now. It didn't kill us.  If you're my close friends, we've been through some stuff.  Both of my best friends and I have all lost brothers.  It sucked, but we know where they're at, and they're all three better off than us right now.  And friends that I've come across along the way, we've cried tears, raised glasses, laughed, and prayed together a lot over the years, here's to many more of those when we can get back together again.  Mostly, I just want all of you to know that I miss you.  I'm praying for you. 


One last note to any of you that are currently or have been my pastors previously, I want you guys to know that I know the burden you're carrying for your flocks right now. Or if you're one of my friends that are in ministry. Thank you for doing what you do.  This season is a particular challenge for you that hasn't happened in recent history.  I know you're working harder.  I know you're frustrated having to preach to a camera, or laptop, or iPhone right now.  I know it's tough singing to someone that you can't see or hear.  The reunion is going to be sweet.  Hang in there.  If I can be of service to you in any way, reach out.