My Mom

Sometimes in life there are singular moments that you just can't escape.  You'll notice that my last few blog posts have had something or other to do with my brother, Josh.  His passing has been the single toughest thing that my Dad, Mom, and I have had to deal with.  I was going to get my Mom a card for mother's day and write some nice things in it.  There isn't a card big enough this year to contain the things that I need to say.  My brother was sick for a while.  There were a lot of really bad days.  A lot of close calls.  A number of times when she would plan something fun for herself, but would have to cut it short because of some type of medical emergency with my brother.  There were a lot of tears.  A lot of questions that she never thought she'd have to ask.  A number of decisions that no mother of a 35/36/37 year old man should have to make.  There were some good days.  There were some clear days.  There were a number of days when Josh would just want my Mom to be there.  The logistics were impossible on some days.  She would never know if the next call would be the one that she would never want to get.  There was always faith.  It never wavered.  There was always hope.  There was always prayer, and a gentle reminder that God still had a plan through all of this.  I'll leave out the super personal stuff  that went on during this time.  It was never easy.  It never went the way any of us wanted it to go.  My Mom fought for her son.  She was Joshua's advocate.  She was on his side.  There were endless hours on the phone with nurses, doctors, administrators, and so on.  She never gave up. She was on a search for the next thing that could help.  My Mom refused to quit, even though the temptation was there.  There were a number of hospital workers that would tell her that the way she was taking care of Josh was not the norm.  The people that had the things going on that Josh had going on, more often than not, are forgotten about.  It's really sad and could lead me down another road, but I won't go down it right now.  My Mom was there.  Every day.  Putting a lot of wear and tear on her vehicle, and her soul.  

I've always appreciated my Mom (with the exception of some teenage years) I knew that if things really got down to it, my Mom would fight someone for me if she had to.  And I know she would've fought dirty.  There's no higher compliment I could pay.  Seeing her these last couple years, and the toll all of this was taking on her, I now have an appreciation for her that has gone beyond any descriptive words that I can come up with. The conversations that we couldn't get through because the tears were too much.  I tried to provide as many distractions as I could, but I was unsuccessful.  The times when she would spend with my boys probably helped.  Having a few cookouts and dinners here and there probably helped.  I dare say that I don't know a whole lot of people that could deal with the pain that we all went through and been able to come out the other side with some semblance of sanity.  My Mom did.  I want to thank her for everything she did.  Everything she sacrificed to do whatever she could to take care of my brother.  She was never more of a mother than she has been the last three years.  If it was me, it would've been the same.  I know it.  The conversations still end in some tears sometimes.  The knowledge that we have, that Joshua made his peace with God, and is in Heaven is our solace.

If there's a stronger woman than my Mom, I don't know her.  This Mother's Day is different.  This Mother's Day cements for me that my Mom is truly an incredible woman.  I know that there is a bright future.  I know that God still has her in mind.  The greatest gift that I have ever been able to give her, is two grandsons.  She shows love to them in incredible ways.  They love Mimi.  They think about her when she's not around.  They ask to Facetime if it's been a while since they've seen her.  Their love for their Mimi reminds me of how great of a my Mom my Mom is.  I just want to tell you Mom, that I love you.  Thank you for taking care of my brother all the way to the end.  I know he appreciated it.  There aren't enough words to explain how I fell about everything that's transpired.  But know this.  It didn't go unnoticed.  I love you.

What does a five year old kid know?

Caleb had a great baseball game last Saturday.  He hit three doubles. His coach said that he hit that one of those doubles was a home run.  He was pumped.  I love hearing him tell me about it.  I was getting things ready for a party we were throwing so Christa took him to his game.  He caught the baseball bug.  He hadn't shown great interest in it up until last Saturday.  One good game has caused him to want to be better than he was last week.  We've been practicing all week.  His idea.  He wants me to throw him grounders.  He wants to practice batting.  He tells me, "wait let me get into formation" when he's getting into his batting stance.  He then shuffles and gets his elbow up, puts a little bend in his knees.  He's listened to his coaches and taken their advice and put in to practice at home.  He's grabbed it.  He's hungry to play baseball.  All it took was one good game.  This little guy has taught me a lesson that I forgot.  The other day he said, "Dad if you want to get better at something, you have to practice".  I think we forget.  You can't always be the best at everything all the time.  You can be better though.  Do you want to know what a five year old knows?  Practice makes you better.  Work at it.  You'll get better.