How do you
sum up someone’s life after they’re gone? We all have pieces of the puzzle that
made up Josh’s life. I have a few
pieces, my parents have a number of pieces, all of you, his family and friends
have the other pieces. Some of them are
jagged and rough and take a little work to fit
together with the other ones Some
of them fit right together just like they were made to do. At the end of it all, we got to see the
finished work. Joshua is in the place
now where the puzzle started. He’s with
the creator of the puzzle. He’s with the
one that saw it all come together. God
saw us in Josh’s life. He knew just how we would fit together with Josh.
Let’s start
at the beginning. Josh was born on
September 25 1979, early in the morning.
He came out of the womb making noise, and he didn’t stop until he had
to. One of my earliest memories of my
baby brother is, not too long after he came home, I remember seeing this tiny
intruder that cried and made noise, and took all of the attention away, and
seeing a bottle of downy on the counter and thinking that it was a really good
idea to pour it all over him. He may
have been a few months old and it just seems like he had just come home, but I
really don’t know. He was a little guy though.
Josh was always into something.
He was busy all the time. He
loved playing outside with his hot wheels.
He would spend hours playing outside.
Since we grew up in the late 70’s and 80’s, we were left to play outside
quite a bit. My PawPaw had come out to
our house one to get our air conditioner going for the summer. My Dad worked crazy hours in those days, so
my PawPaw came out to help my Mom. We
had a swamp cooler on the roof. My
PawPaw was using a ladder to get up and down of course. He went to go get some parts, or check on the
water or something. My Mom came outside
to come get us for lunch and didn’t see Josh.
She asked me where he was, I had no idea. She saw the ladder and said, there’s no way
is there? She climbed the ladder and saw
little two year old Josh up on the roof playing in the air conditioner water
like it was no big deal. She was freaked
out. Josh was sad that he couldn’t play
in the water anymore. Josh would climb
anything. He had great balance as well.
Josh was a
pretty scrawny kid. He was skinny, but
he had skinny little arms and legs for a long time. My Dad called him Grover. Remember Grover from Sesame Street? If you don’t, google image him, and that’s
what Josh’s arms and legs looked like for a long time. My Dad called him that forever. It was always a great nickname, and it was
something that only He and my Dad had.
Josh was
pretty active. Hyperactive. It was hard
to get him to settle down. If he was
growing up today, I know that someone probably several someone’s would’ve wanted
him on rydalin. I seem to remember him
getting tested, but my parents said nah, he’s just being a boy. Josh was hyperactive. He was always moving around and up to
something. Outside doing something,
inside, doing something. One time when
he was in first grade he was sliding and somehow broke his tailbone. There isn’t a cast that a doctor can put on a
tailbone. I wish there was because I
would’ve made fun of Josh mercilessly for having his butt in a cast. Needless to say, a few days after he broke
his tailbone, he decided that it would be a great idea to moon the
playground. So he did. Full moon.
He was sent to the principal’s office and since in those days and in
small towns, the principal was allowed to swat kids with a paddle, unless you
had a note (we never had a note) the normal punishment would’ve been two
swats. Since Josh had a broken tailbone,
he was the first 1st grader to be suspended from school. My Grandpa drilled water wells. My Dad worked a job, my Mom worked a
job. So Josh’s “punishment” was to go
with my grandpa and work. I remember my
Grandpa telling my Dad the story. I
remember his mannerisms, and the joy he told the story with. He said Joe I swear, I turned around to shift
the rig into gear, and I turned back around and Josh was gone. My Grandpa was working alone that day, so he
had to shut down and go on a manhunt.
Josh had ran off somewhere to go play or check on what caught his
attention at that moment. My Grandpa was
too happy that he found him, than to be mad at him.
When he was
little, Josh was best friends with his cousin Stefanie. They remained close for as long as I can
remember. I remember them being very
little, like 4 maybe. They were riding
their tricycles and decided that it would be a good idea to strip naked and
ride their tricycles. That was a little
controversial I seem to remember. They
would jump in the pile of leaves that my PawPaw would rake up. They would ride around in the wheelbarrow
while my PawPaw pushed them. They were
very close.
Josh made a
few different efforts to play sports. He
was never very athletic. His attention span was also an issue. I would try to help him out with baseball. He was beyond my help. Because of his skill set, he always played
right field. Right field in little
league baseball is no man’s land. You
aren’t dealing with right handed hitters that like to take it to the opposite
field. I remember on more than one
occasion being at his baseball games, and hearing the coach get onto him for
not paying attention to the game. I mean
not at all. He would take his glove off
and squat down and play in the dirt, or he would chase butterflies, anything
besides what was going on in the game.
He tried basketball as well, again it just wasn’t his thing. My Dad and I were always into sports. We would watch football, basketball,
baseball, one would bleed into the other and Josh could not have cared
less. Every once in a while, Josh would
try to talk to me about what was going on with the Longhorns, or the Cowboys, in
an effort to bond with me. Since 95% of the conversations I have involve those
two things, I have a lot to say. I would
talk to him about if for 3 minutes or so and I would see his eyes glaze over
and say “Josh, I appreciate the effort.”
We didn’t relate to each other on a lot of things, but Josh would always
try, and I always appreciated it.
Josh loved
cars. He would sit for hours playing
with cars. I know we could’ve left him out all night playing with his cars, and
he would have no idea that it was night time, or that he was hungry. We would be driving places, and he would
always notice tires. He loved tires, it
was weird. I had to get a couple of
tires the other day, and I know he would’ve noticed that they’re
different. He would’ve asked me why they
weren’t matching. I called Discount Tire
the other day to make an appointment.
When I gave them my phone number, the guy asked, “is this Jarod or
Josh?” I’ll never take him off the
account. He was always deeply involved
in the care of my tires. Every time I
get a new set, I will remember that and smile.
He was rough at times. He had some hard edges, but there wasn’t anyone
that was more helpful to me in certain areas of my life than my brother. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but
on more than one occasion, he would take my car, or my mom’s car, or my mom’s
fleet of flower delivery vans, and deal with the tires. It was a big deal to me.
I have no
idea how many cars he helped people buy.
He would go to the dealership with people, and sit and wrangle a deal
with them. Josh knew the ins and outs of car buying. He knew where the scams were. He knew where the discounts were. He loved haggling a car deal. He was good at it. He was a car salesman a couple of different
times. He love helping people buy
cars.
He was a
claims adjuster. I always thought it was
his calling. He studied, he could look
at the damage and assess if there was frame damage, or if it was minor, or he
had an almost innate ability to know if there was more damage than what was
visible. He was always right. He never got in trouble for his
recommendations. They were always spot
on. He was always exactly right in his
damage assessment. He walked me through
the claims process a couple times.
Everyone in our family would call him and see what they should do. Any number of friends would ask him for his
help with a claim and he would just take over and get it taken care of. I had a claim done one time and he took care
of it. I got a check in the mail for way more than I ever would’ve gotten. He did that stuff all the time. He would just help.
A couple
months ago, I was visiting him in the hospital and we were talking about
cars. He was asking about my car. He asked about Christa’s car. He couldn’t remember what it was. I said, it’s a chevy traverse. He said, “Jarod, a chevy? Really?” I said Christa wanted the third row seat. He said “ok, but I can’t believe you bought a
chevy”. He was a Ford guy and a Nissan
guy. He would spend hours researching
cars. He was part of a Nissan
forum. We had a transmission go out on
one Nissan. He found one in some part of
the country and saved a lot of money even after getting it shipped because he
was so into cars. He talked to people
everywhere about cars. I always wanted
him to get rich because I knew he would have some pretty sweet rides.
Over these
last few days, there have been a flood of memories about Josh. We would be here for hours if I told you
about all of them that I have. He would
fidget all the time. It would drive me
nuts. He was always rolling something
between his fingers. He would grab
coffee straws and he would roll them in his fingers all day. I wondered if he would ever rub his
fingerprints off. There would always be
a bunch of them in his car. He would
drive with one hand, and roll the straw in his other. I don’t know of anyone else that does
that. It was uniquely his thing. I would always try to figure out why he did
it. He didn’t know, and for the life of
me I don’t have a good explanation for it.
Because of
his love for cars, Josh loved driving.
He loved road trips. Most of the
time, I dread them. Not Josh. He was up for one all the time. When he first started driving, it was the
best. He took over the duty of driving
my Granny all over the state of New Mexico every other weekend. I may be exaggerating the number of
them. But he took her anywhere she
wanted to go. He wasn’t held back by
things called speed limits. And my
Granny loved it. When I would take her on trips, she would ask me why I was
going so slow. What’s really funny about that, is, I have always driven 5-10
miles an hour above the speed limit. So
I’m really not sure how fast he would drive with her, but she never told him to
slow down. Josh loved her. She introduced him to gospel music. When I would drive her, if we couldn’t listen
to my music, I would drive in silence.
Not Josh. She would bring her
Gaither Vocal band tapes and he’d pop them in and enjoy it. One of the things that remains a mystery to
me to this day, and I’ll never understand it, is how much Josh loved gospel
music. I can’t stand it. I’ll listen to it ironically, but I don’t
ever just causally listen to it and enjoy it.
Josh did. I think it was because
of my Granny. She always care for Josh.
She would never judge him. She would
just take him as he was. All of his
hyperactivity, I never remember her getting on to him. She was supremely patient with him. She loved him so much. He loved her so much. He was devastated when
she passed away. He stayed close to her
his whole life. It was a truly unique
relationship. He always showed up for
her. When he moved away from her, he
would go see her as often as he could.
He would call her. He would send
people to go check in on her. I remember
one time, some maintenance had gone past due for quite a while on her car
because Josh would normally just take care of it. He was appalled to see how far past due for
an oil change she was. He immediately
when and got it changed, took it to the car wash and cleaned it and brought it
back. He would pretty much do that every
time he came back for visit. He adored
his Granny. I am glad that they are
together today. I know she prayed for
him and was always very interested in his success. I’m glad that they’ve been reunited.
Joshua loved
my Mom and Dad. He was always close to
them. Well, he was always close with my
Mom. As he got older, he became closer
with my Dad. My Dad and Josh butted
heads while he was growing up, but what kid doesn’t butt heads with the parent
they were most like? Josh would always
press my Dad’s limits. He knew how to
push my Dad’s buttons. From the end of
my 8th grade year until, I can’t remember, we were remodeling our
house. We added a giant addition and
remodeled the rest of it. It seemed like
it took forever. At some point in there,
we had to reroof it. My Dad had this
grand plan of all of us working hard to reroof it. A couple of his friends came and helped. Josh was out there for a bit. We were scraping the shingles off. It was hard work because there were several
layers of shingles. Josh was giving his
usual effort when it came to doing something that he didn’t want to do. Which
means, no effort. He was lazily moving
the scraper across the top of the shingles.
In frustration, my Dad yelled, Josh, get off the roof, which is exactly
what Josh wanted. Aaron and I were amazed at his ability to pull this off and
we tried to do it, it didn’t work. Josh
was inside sipping lemonade and pointing and laughing at us every time he saw
us going to get something for my Dad. I was mad at that moment, but now I
completely admire it. As Josh grew older, he became closer and closer to my
parents. I’m glad that they had the type of relationship they did. Joshua loved
them both very much.
I honestly
don’t know how to end this. I kind of
don’t want to because it seems so final.
I will miss my brother. There
will always be a hole in my heart because he isn’t here anymore. I know that as my boys grow older that he
would’ve been a great uncle to them. He
didn’t know how to relate to them as babies, but I know he would’ve showed them
how to work on cars, taken them for ice cream, taught them how to do armpit
farts. He would’ve taught them any
number of things that I would’ve had to have gotten onto him for, but I wish he
was still here for that stuff. That will
always make me sad. I know there was so
much left undone. I want to you to know that
I don’t despair. I’m mourning my brother
passing at way too young of an age. I
hate that he died at 37. I do know
this. He is in Heaven. He is in the place that he belongs. He’s home.
He told to the doctor a couple of days before he passed that he was
ready to see Jesus. I take solace in
that. The peace that I feel in my soul
comes from the fact that I know he is with our creator. There’s a large part of my soul that longs to
be there as well. I’ll never worry about
him again. He isn’t sick any
longer. He doesn’t have any regrets
anymore. He’s home. He’s where his soul belongs. I don’t mourn without hope. I mourn because I don’t have him here
anymore, but he’s always with me. Every
time I see a quirky chicken, I’ll think of Josh. Every time an inappropriate comment comes to
my mind, I’ll think of Josh. Every time
I need new tires, or get into a fender bender, I’ll think of Josh. He was my brother. We didn’t always get along, but we always
loved each other. I know he died loving
me. I know he died with me loving
him. I’m sad that he’s gone. I’m happy he’s home.
So those are
some of the pieces of my Josh puzzle.
There are many, many others. I’m
sure that for the rest of my life, I’ll be collecting pieces. That puzzle is now complete in eternity. Josh is in Heaven. His puzzle is complete. And it is
beautiful.
