What I'm looking for

So I like U2.  You can hate them, that's fine, it's your life.  You can't argue with their success though. Huge hits.  Massive hits in the 90's, that still sell out show after show.  I saw them a few years ago.  It was a bucket list item.  This post isn't about U2, you can keep reading.  The other night, I listened to "I still haven't found what I'm looking for".  I love that song.  It's one of my favorites. I asked myself why I haven't found what I'm looking for.  I've found some of the things I'm looking for.  I found and incredible wife.  I've found two sons that I love more than anything.  I've found a family that I will do just about anything for.  I've found friends that I will have for the rest of my life.  I've found a lot of things that would seemingly make someone feel like there isn't anything left to look for.  I've found Saturdays filled with college football.  I've found joy when I see the smoke coming out of my smoker cooking meat that a bunch of my friends and family are going to enjoy. I've found that feeling you get when you hear someone sing or play a song that touches your soul and you can't explain it, but you know what I'm talking about.  I've found that feeling of God's presence on occasion.  I've found that feeling of saying a prayer and knowing that God is listening.  I've found that feeling of knowing that I can be content that the answer to said prayer is going to be the right one because He knows better than me what the answer should be.  I've found the feeling of being outside looking up at the stars, that this isn't it.  I've found the feeling of being at a massive football game coming down to the wire and not knowing which way it was going to go.  I've found the feeling you get when you make someone belly laugh.  I've found a lot of things.  But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Why?

Because it's not here.  This, this isn't my home.  The longer I'm here, the more I know I don't belong here.  I'm being pushed out.  I'm uncomfortable.  I don't belong.  There are moments that come when I do belong.  But in the waining moments, I know this isn't home.  It's a little like living in Arizona, knowing that you belong in Texas.  A little like that, but massively different.  This world is great at times.  I love being here.  I appreciate everything that I've worked for and been given here.  This isn't my home.  My soul is longing to be where Jesus is. Sometimes I can feel my insides tearing, trying to go home.  I can't wait until that day.  I can't wait to see Him.  I still haven't found what I'm looking for because I can't see it with these eyes.